How does Marijuana affect your Relationship?

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How Marijuana Can Affect Relationships

The impact marijuana can have on relationships remains to be a very controversial topic. Some hold the view that the two can never go hand in hand. Instead, they mix as well as dynamite and match; very explosive with widespread and far-reaching effects. While others believe that marijuana has no negative effects on relationships. In their view, it spices things up. This article, though not intended to hit at any side in favor of another, has captured nothing but the truth on how marijuana affects relationships from both schools of thought.

Success in any relationship calls for love, trust and compromise. In addition, it also requires the couple to be free of substance abuse and addiction in all of its forms.  In this context we are discussing marijuana ABUSE. I invite you to be open minded in this topic and not stay in the category of black and white thinking. Not everyone who smokes pot will abuse it or become addicted to it.

Pot smoking, like any substance, may seem innocent, harmless and even fun for some at the very outset. Though the habit initially kicks off as a way of establishing identity or possibly freedom of expression, it can eventually lead users down the path to ruin and destruction in any love relationship. It can set one’s life in a downward spiral that ultimately robs them of everything they value as far as love and relationship are concerned. Unfortunately, marijuana has become widely accepted and debatably legalized in many modern societies.

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How does marijuana affect your love life?

Having counseled many couples on relationship matters over the years, I hold as true the opinion that the abuse of pot can actually minimize progress and growth in relationships. Marijuana abuse can directly impact:

  • Personal life and friendship
  • Intimacy and commitments
  • family life and responsibilities
  • emotions

Personal life and friendship

If pot smoking ultimately turns habitual and addictive, the victim ceases to be himself or herself. The drug moves in and completely takes over such an unsuspecting soul. In no time, such an individual becomes consumed by social anxiety and paranoia.

At this stage, the pot addict is more likely to be introverted and neglected, even by close friends and confidants. Of course being high kind of redefines their brand of friends; they associate more with a clique of other addicts trapped in the same habit of pot smoking. These are the kind of friends that only sink them deeper in their abyss of frustrations. Essentially, the addict loses touch with reality and reason.

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Intimacy and commitments

In love life, intimacy is very critical. In fact, according to some studies, it is the glue that holds the relationship together longer. By its very nature, intimacy is about partners being able to see into each other. Precisely, intimacy guarantees a clear perception of an individual’s feelings as well as their partner’s.

Marijuana in a relationship acts contrary to this feeling. Though critics suggest it heightens intimacy, this substance is in fact insidious and dangerous in your relationship. The “sacred herb,” as some erroneously call it, is a mood-killer when abused and only detaches you from your own as well as your partner’s feelings. Besides, weed shortens memory and makes honoring commitments in a relationship quite the nightmare.

Family life and responsibilities

Whenever a recreational drug like marijuana turns addictive, cravings for the same makes one forget everything else but the pot. Abdication of duties and responsibilities in the family typically sets in at this stage. Real addicts are never worried about the welfare of their children or spouse. Not in the slightest. They live in denial, isolation and over time becomes overtly defensive of their actions. It is no surprise that such individuals resort to verbal attacks if questioned about any of their unbecoming behaviors.

The drug-free partner in a relationship that is bedeviled by marijuana suffers more psychological traumas than the addict. Such partners may at times feel betrayed, tricked or even short changed in the relationship. This often develops into self-blame; taking unnecessary responsibility for the addicted partner’s way of life. This might then degenerate into jealousy, rage and self judgement, the real ingredients of depression.

Ironically, if asked if they still love their spouse in the relationship, the addict is often quick to respond in the affirmative. Their continued use of pot is evidence to the contrary though.

Marijuana and emotions

Emotionally, pot smokers are not themselves. Research findings indicate that as one uses drugs time and again, likely the case with marijuana addicts, their emotional tone plummets lower and lower. Unless they are high, such individuals know not much happiness and pleasures in life. Such a twisted perspective ends up draining life in any relationship. In some cases the couple may call it quits and part ways, just like that. In some rare cases though, the pot-free partner may have the nerve and patience to wait and just hope for the best – a day when the love of their life will finally stop the bad habit. Success rate for such cases is often very slim because the addiction often turns chronic over time. Most of the patient pot-free partners end-up depressed and frustrated without the intervention of specialists like psychotherapists and psychologists.

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How to recover from marijuana addiction

Clearly, marijuana and relationships are immiscible. The good news however is that marijuana addiction as a condition can be reversed. Various effective recovery programs are in place for the same. These programs remake the addict anew so that they once again come into the light. With well-thought-out alternatives, these programs helps clients regain a brighter outlook on life as a whole, integrity and self-respect. This way, they can once again love and be loved back.

To the drug free partner in the relationship, patience is of the essence. Give your partner time to shed off the bad habit. If the addict remains defiant and unappreciative of your patience then consider exploring other options like:

  • seeking help from a psychotherapist
  • divorce

The second option should come last; only upon exploring all available options and all concerted efforts rendered futile. Though this therapy is known to shock drug users into reality, it is likely to impact negatively on kids, if there are any. So, settle for divorce only if your partner’s marijuana addiction condition deteriorates and becomes so much over the top or is clearly on the brink of spinning out of control.

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Daddy Issues and their Impact on Relationships

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Wondering what this possibly means?  Well, read on for the actual truth and other shocking revelations on daddy issues and how it impacts relationships……

Daddy issues is a general term that describes a woman’s self-destructive behaviour often typified by a desperate ache for male attention. Now, that much suffices the definition of this whole aspect.

Women in this condition let themselves be misused by men. Unfortunately, some of us are or have been these kind of women. If not, then we probably know of friends who very well fit in the above descriptions. This problem is real and needs to be fixed sooner than later, lest it spill over into relationships and ruin everything.

May be you still don’t get the details of it. Or maybe this whole narrative on daddy issues doesn’t seem to hold much sense to you. Well, then these leading questions may just be all you need to drive the point home:

  • Do you find yourself attracted to older men, either married or unmarried?
  • In terms of emotional support, would you say your father was always there for you or you felt abandoned by him at some point in your tender ages?
  • Can you single-out instances of abuse by your father? It could be emotional, physical or even sexual.
  • Are you attracted to emotionally unavailable men and often wonder why?

If you said yes to any of the above, you are not alone. This article will help you identify unconscious patterns and conditioning with “daddy issues” thereby helping you create a happier and healthier relationship for you and your partner.

Let’s take a more in depth look at some of the concerns surrounding individual women caught-up in daddy issues.

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  1. Abandonment

Abandonment is very deep rooted with attachment and detachment issues. Your father is the first male figure in your life. If you were emotionally abandoned by your father or he was emotionally unavailable for you during your younger days, this may cause a deep need to feel loved and cherished in your adult life. You will continuously look for this in other men to substitute the love you did not get from your father. Unfortunately our relationships cannot provide that deep fatherly affection enough to fill this void. Until we are aware of this, we cannot work to understand ourselves better and give ourselves the love we need.

Older men, as I always refer to them because they are often older then the women they are dating, are in most cases more confident and financially stable. They always appear very much in control of the relationship since as always is the case, it is not their first rodeo at dating or romancing a woman. It is little wonder then that younger women fall for such men exhibiting high levels of confidence and poise.

Older men, or men in general, instinctively notice if their partner is troubled by daddy issues in the relationship. This often happen naturally. So the men do not put in much effort in noticing this helplessness. This power imbalance marked by the woman’s vulnerability often lets the man run the show. He can make her feel adored, protected and safe; all the things her father could not provide to satisfy her emotions.

A woman in this state of mind may crave all the love and affection she had been starved of as a little girl. Her new found love is all she might require to fill up that father-daughter relationship gap. This way she might feel her needs are being met and in some way his as well.

  1. Engaging in risky sexual behavior

This is one other significant and definitive feature for women with daddy issues. They crave lots of sex. In most relationships such women associate love and confidence to the number of times they are laid by the men they are supposedly in love with.

Recent studies and surveys have shown that in most women, having sex often tricks the subconscious mind into thinking they are loved and adored. This is terribly wrong and is but a false sense of security. It will only end up ruining your relationship in the longer term. True love exudes intimacy that is founded on companionship and mutual respect.

  1. Fear of being alone

Any lady who’s been through this murky side of relationships will certainly conquer that it is very scary to be single. She’d rather be in a dysfunctional relationship all her life than be alone.

Daddy issues can make one unstable in relationships. Such individuals rush into engagements without sparing time to check out for compatibility aspect in the whole deal. In so doing, they scare away the real men of their dreams. This way, they throw all their respect and dignity down the drain. Such women lack in everything that defines identity and healthy self-esteem.

  1. Nagging reassurance of affection and love

A sense of insecurity defines women with daddy issues. They are always comparing themselves to their supposedly “ideal women”. In doing this, they often worry on whether they are still their partner’s “one and only”. Well, this is often very exhausting to their partners. That very needy aspect exhibited in a woman often pushes men out of relationships. It’s is very counterproductive in the long run and only serves to confirm your greatest fear; you are not lovable.

How to go about resolving this nightmare

The first proactive step in tackling this problem is to understand and acknowledge that daddy issues are real. Denying this fact is ignorant and only sinks one deeper into the abyss of frustration in relationships. You certainly don’t want to continue down the path of rebound dating and relationships, do you?

In the event that this has been an ongoing problem, it is advisable that you seek advice from a qualified therapist or relationship counsellor. These experts have just about all it takes to provide you the right support, advice and encouragement on matters relationship whenever needed.

The bottom line

It is impossible to change your past, but you have a future. Keep your thoughts positive and pick on the right path for your future. This will guarantee you a relationship full of real romance and of course not much troubles related to daddy issues and guess what? You will also be able to attract the right men in your life, a real dream come true in your love life.

The Power of Positivity

Positivity is something that does not always seem like a possibility in our day to day lives. However, positivity and an optimistic outlook can make a huge difference in how we carry ourselves and the directions that we choose to go in. Though at times it can be very difficult to maintain positivity, there are things that you can do to keep yourself upbeat and pushing forward.

Set attainable goals. We all have goals in life. They might be for your career, or perhaps for your personal life, or even in your relationships. It is important to make sure that these goals are realistic and attainable, while still challenging yourself. You can even break your larger goals down into smaller goals that will work towards the end point.

Let’s take an example that comes up often in recovery; maintaining sobriety. Maintaining sobriety is a very large goal, especially for someone who has just entered into recovery. However, this is completely attainable when broken down into smaller goals. Attending programs, continuing therapy, developing a relapse prevention plan, and having a stable support system are just a few of the many small goals that can be built up to the main goal of maintaining sobriety. As you can see, the main goal becomes much more realistic and manageable when broken down into smaller steps.

Reward yourself. It is important to celebrate the victories that you have. Rewarding yourself for your hard work and accomplishments, even the small ones, can do wonders for your positivity. The rewards don’t have to be large and extravagant things. It can be as simple as having a quiet evening off, or perhaps a sweet treat, whatever you would consider a reward after some hard work.

Going back to the example of maintaining sobriety, after spending time following through with your programs, continuing your therapy, and maintaining contact with your stable support system, how can you reward yourself? Perhaps a nice dinner with those who are closest to you, or a nice night in with a bath and a movie. You can choose the things that give you a sense of satisfaction that are not detrimental to your sobriety.

Have hope. Hope is a driving force in making positive change in our lives. Hope often keeps us going when we feel like we do not have much else going for us. It can build us up and help us to work harder towards what we want for ourselves, and it can keep us on track with our goals.

Maintaining your sobriety requires a certain amount of hope, more specifically hope for the future. It is quite easy to find yourself in a pit of despair when things doing seem to be progressing as you had thought that they would. It is times like this when hope is your greatest tool. Hope will help you push through. Hope will help you keep moving forward and give you a more positive outlook.

Have a positive support system. We can draw a great amount of strength from those that we surround ourselves with. A positive support system is so important in maintaining a positive outlook. When we have people supporting us through our hard times and encouraging our successes, we are much more likely to flourish and take on new challenges.

A support system is vital to a successful recovery. Without support, it can be very difficult for you to stay on track and keep your goals in mind. It is important that the people you surround yourself with during the recovery process are understanding of your needs and are capable of being supportive of your goals and choices. It is also important that you trust these people to not expose you to things that will trigger a relapse. Your support system may be made up of both professionals and friends/family members.

Positivity can be a life changing choice. By choosing positivity, you are taking control of your future and your direction in life. This is a key in the recovery process that should not be overlooked. By motivating yourself, transforming your mindset, and awakening your potential, you can be successful in your recovery.

The Power of Affirmations

beliefs-and-affirmations-IIIt can be quite difficult sometimes to think of something positive about ourselves. At times, we are our own harshest critics. It is easier to point out our own flaws, than recognize the positive things about ourselves. It is so important that we can find the positive things about ourselves, developing our self-love.

shutterstock_132820748Self-love is something that many people struggle with, finding it hard to love and accept themselves for who they are. This can be because of a lifetime of being told that they aren’t good enough, trying to live up to impossible standards, and feeling like they have let people down when they don’t. There can be a lot of shame and guilt associated with insignificant failures, and they can be carried for years beyond the memory of the failure itself. These situations can take a serious toll on your well-being, namely your self-esteem and confidence, components that are essential to self-love.

Affirmations are a great way to boost self-esteem, confidence, and help you regain a sense of self-love. They are simple, easy to remember sayings that are meant to promote positive self-talk and remind you of just how great you really are. Affirmations are an easy way to remind yourself each and every day that there are so many great things about you. Affirmations can also be used to learn acceptance and move past some of the mistakes we might have made. Below are just a few examples.

I am worthwhile and intelligent. My contributions matter.daily_affirmations_giveaway_02

I am beautiful/handsome.

I love myself.

I forgive myself for the mistakes I have made.

I trust myself.

I can see the wonderful things that others see in me.

Coming up with your own affirmations will help making them more specific to yourself. Think about what you struggle to believe about yourself, and turn it into an affirmation. There is no reason for you to feel any less amazing than you are, and by taking a moment each day to remind yourself, you are building a path to a happier and healthier you.

Affirmations help remind us just how unique, capable, and special each and every one of us is. They lead us towards developing a better sense of self-love, contributing to a higher self-esteem and confidence level. Affirmations are extremely powerful and can help you change your outlook on yourself as well as your life. Next time you are feeling sad, scared, alone, or insignificant, remember just how amazing you are.

Intervention

UnknownWhen those we love struggle with addiction, we want to do what is best to help them. Intervention is sometimes a necessary process.  Many people aren’t sure what it means to create an intervention.  Asking the addicted to seek treatment sometimes isn’t enough, especially if they don’t think that they have a problem. Interventions help show the addicted the alternatives to the way that they are choosing to live. But how can we support a loved one through an addiction and encourage them to seek treatment?

Each person that is addicted to drugs or alcohol needs hope, love, and faith from those that they surround themselves with. They need to feel accepted and valued, especially when considering entering treatment. It is important that they feel heard, but it is also important that they face the harsh reality of their addiction and what it is doing to their life. 

crisis-interventionAn intervention may be the next step to take when other methods fail. Let’s take a look at the basics of intervention first. An intervention is a gathering of people that love and care about the addicted. It is friends, family, and those closest to the addicted that want to support them going into treatment. Those that are not supportive of the group effort should not be included. The intervention should be led by a trained professional, someone who can focus the group and remain objective when speaking to the addicted. It is important that the group stays on track, and having someone that is removed emotionally from the situation will help things to go smoothly. A professional will also help you determine what is going to happen after the intervention. If the addicted chooses not to go to treatment, there has to be consequences. A therapist will be able to help you determine what those consequences are. They will also be able to put you into contact with programs that are most suitable for your loved one.

An intervention just might be the wake-up call that your loved one needs. Interventions are tricky, as it is often hard to tell how the person is going to react. What happens if they become agitated by the thought of recovery? Will it push them even farther away? Are you going to be able to stick to your consequences if they refuse treatment? These are all very common questions when considering an intervention for your loved one. People often have a lot of shame in having to leave their families and lives behind to seek help, causing them to be hesitant about going to treatment. They will come up with just about any excuse they can to not seek help. It is important to be reassuring that things will be taken care of while they are away, all in an attempt to set them more at ease and fully consider treatment options.

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Different types of people need different types of treatment and recovery support. Some can stay clean with just therapy and AA-type meetings, but often times people in recovery need more support. An hour or two a week just might not be enough. Out-patient treatment is also available in many areas. Out-patient treatment may involve the addicted going to a recovery centre for classes, workshops, group meetings and additional therapy/support. Therapy is a great way for the addicted to take an honest and hard look at themselves, something that they might not have done in a very long time. This also means that they might see something that they don’t necessarily like. Numbing out these feelings is something that the addicted has become very good at throughout their substance abuse, and this is why relapse is so common in the recovery process. This is where in-patient treatment facilities come in. An in-patient treatment facility is a place that offers round-the-clock support and monitoring for those in the in-patient program. They are very structured environments, focusing on the recovery process and learning more about one’s self. In-patient treatment is also available for families. These programs allow the family to work through issues of co-dependency as well as work on providing an environment conducive to recovery and healing when the addicted is out of treatment. 

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Addiction changes people. It makes them do and say things that they might not have otherwise said or done. It eats away at their body, mind, and soul, destroying relationships and lives in the process. But recovery is possible. Many addicts do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, and that is why it is so important that their friends and families do. Supporting your loved one and encouraging them to seek treatment may just be the push that they need to start the recovery process.

Psychopathy and Relationships

shutterstock_119478667  We strive for internal balance each and every day. It is a constant struggle to maintain some sort of harmony between our beliefs, ideas, values, and the behaviours related to them. An example of this is someone who continues to smoke despite believing that it is unhealthy. Although they hold the belief that smoking is not beneficial to their health, the smoker will continue to smoke because they may enjoy smoking, or perhaps because they believe that the chances of a decline in their health are not as serious as others make them up to be. This is cognitive dissonance. Explained simply, cognitive dissonance is psychological distress when two or more beliefs are contradictory. Those with cognitive dissonance often have a hard time differentiating reality from their internal fantasy and dream world. They will often justify their behaviours and contradicting beliefs with truly ridiculous notions. Returning to the example of the smoker, how is it possible that their health would not be at equal risk to other smokers? It is this fantasy thinking that makes the contradictions stick. The discrepancy in beliefs and actions can cause a vast amount of psychological distress, including but not limited to depression, anxiety, and negative self-image. With these contradictions comes a certain amount of denial within, though it is not always known to us. This denial allows us to hold these beliefs at the same time, while still maintaining the behaviour.

A more extreme example of cognitive dissonance is the denial shutterstock_90072907and beliefs that are often seen with those who are in a relationship with a psychopath. Once we become aware we begin to see things for what they are, outside of the fantasy.  A whole slew of inconsistencies that we never saw before flows through to our consciousness such as manipulations, criticism, emotional abuse, lies, and deviance. Almost everyone involved with a psychopath goes through a phase (and form) of denial.  The result is a contradictory experience: a kind of internal battle between clinging to denial and accepting the truth.  It’s a tough reality to accept the sad truth when you come to realize that the person who claimed to be your best friend or the love of your life is actually completely emotionally unavailable on all levels.

To understand pathology, psychopathic and sociopathic relationships see the link below. Now it is important to not assume that the person you are involved with is a psychopath, because it can have deep and lasting effects on that person. A qualified professional should be sought out to make a diagnosis, not the internet or a personal diagnosis. The questions that often come up after a psychopath shutterstock_40397620is found out often include “How could I not have known?”, “Were there ever signs that something was going on beneath the surface?”, or even “Was there something that could have been done to help/stop the psychopath?”. The answer to these questions is never truly black and white, and this is because of cognitive dissonance. There comes a time when denial is just no longer going to protect us from the truth, and there is an internal struggle because they care deeply for the psychopath. There are contradictions left, right, and center about their lies, manipulations, criticisms, and emotional abuse, and the victim will often times find ways to justify the psychopaths behaviours through the “good times” they might have had. It needs to be noted that more often than not, the victim will choose to cling to the denial, rather than accept the truth.

What can happen when the victim is suddenly brought to the realization that their significant other is a psychopath? More often than not, they will go into shock or experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. In these cases it is so important that they seek help, because the symptoms will persist and worsen until they are handled under the care of a trained professional. The therapist or counsellor will work to empower the victim, working on reminding them that they are not a victim but a survivor. Cognitive dissonance is something that can be overcome, but it is not just a simple step process. The contradicting beliefs need to be consciously acknowledged, breaking the cycle to return to reality instead of fantasy. With the help of an experienced therapist it is possible to create an action plan and set goals for the future. Recovery will take a lot of inner work and acknowledgement of the contradictions. Once the acknowledgement happens, we can begin to work towards feeding the healthy beliefs and behaviours, rather than the more negative ones. It is important to focus on the more supportive beliefs, rather than the dissonant belief and behaviour, reducing its importance. When the importance is reduced, it will be easier to change this belief into one that is more consistent with your other beliefs. The journey for balance in the connection of mind-body-soul is one that is life-long and challenging. It is important to note that change does not happen overnight. Changing beliefs and working towards an internal harmony is something that can take months, and possibly even years. This does not mean that we should not still strive for inner peace. Having a good support system and being committed to change will keep you motivated, as well as promote change.

http://psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com/2012/08/06/psychopaths-as-lovers/

The Codependent Relationship: Mother and Child

shutterstock_135236594  The bond between mother and child is something that no other relationship can quite match. When addiction is involved in this relationship, it is seriously damaging to the healthy functioning of all relationships.

Codependency, described simply, is when both parties are dependent on one another in order for the relationship to function. Codependency is unique between a mother and child because of the nature of the relationship. Mothers are meant to be nurturing and caring individuals. But when their child is addicted to drugs, their caring and nurturing may be doing more harm than good.

Mothers of those addicted will often times go above and beyond to make sure that their child has everything that they need. Buying food, clothes, paying rent, and giving them shutterstock_70611019money. Some go as far as buying the drugs for their child. In their eyes, they are doing well by their child, making sure that they are able to keep on living. These mothers struggle to focus on themselves in any way at all. They will put their lives aside to make sure that their child will continue to come back to them for what they need.

The child will manipulate in order to get what they want. They will say hateful and hurtful things in order to break their mother down. They will be deceptive and lie in order to get more money. The child is trying to stay sick, and they know that their mother will do anything to keep them happy and alive.

shutterstock_9303223This relationship is extremely toxic and allows for the addiction to continue. So what are some way to recover from codependency?

  • Attend family recovery programs with the addicted

  • Learn to put your interests and needs before others

  • Become aware of the signs of codependent behaviour

  • Develop strong boundaries

With these strategies and professional help, codependency is something that you and your family can recover from.