Female Orgasmic Disorder

shutterstock_75489988(1)  Reaching climax is something that many women struggle with occasionally. It is normal for a woman to only be able to reach orgasm through a certain type of stimulation as well. However, failure to reach climax on a regular and consistent basis can be a sign of Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD). This can be a sign of damage done to the body and nerves, but can also be symptomatic of trauma. FOD can be particularly distressing when engaging in sexual activity with your significant other. There are many causes for FOD, but the toll it takes both mentally and emotionally can be devastating to you and your partner. It can seriously affect your relationship and make sex feel like more of a chore than something to be enjoyed by both parties. So what causes FOD? Is there anything you and your partner can do to work past it? Is it completely curable? These are some of the questions that we are going to answer.

The causes of FOD are different in every woman diagnosed with it. FOD causes break down into two different categories, primary (never had an orgasm) and secondary (trauma). There is no one specific cause, but in most cases it is the result of some sort of trauma. The causes of FOD can be broken down into two different categories as well, shutterstock_79104379physiological and psychological. They include, but are not limited to:

  • Nerve damage in the spine and/or pelvic area
  • Female Genital Mutilation (FGM)
  • Damage to the blood vessels in the pelvic area
  • Medication you may be taking
  • Depression and other mental health disorders
  • Substance abuse
  • Past sexual abuse or violation
  • Guilt about sex or sexual experiences
  • Religious beliefs or values
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of becoming pregnant
  • Fear of losing control

Traumatic events (i.e. rape, molestation, Female Genital Mutilation, etc.) cause your brain to react to sexual activity in a negative way. Even years after trauma, it is very hard for some women to connect physically with another person, especially someone of the same gender as the person responsible for the trauma. This is completely normal, because regardless of the type of trauma, it is a life changing and personality altering event. It is not uncommon for others to downplay the significant effects that trauma can have on your life. It is very important to make your feelings and boundaries known to those around you, especially those you choose to be intimate with.

submission 8FOD does not have to be a death sentence for your sex life. With a combination of therapy, medical interventions for physical trauma, and building a strong sense of self, it is possible to recover. Is it 100% curable 100% of the time? No. There are many women who will struggle with FOD for their entire lives. But this is no reason to give up hope and seek help. With the correct interventions, you can have a healthy sex life and work towards knowing yourself in an intimate way.

Spicing Up Your Sex Life: Tantra

shutterstock_92960689 Spicing up your sex life is something that many couples wish for. Restoring some of the passion and desire in your sexual relationship is something that is possible. Practicing Tantra can be a great way to look at sex between you and your partner in a new way. Tantra is about uniting body, mind, spirit with your partner and with the divine. Your ultimate goal is for the unity of sexuality and spirituality, not orgasm.

Tantra is the sacred art of sex and unity. It involves a variety of exercises, that increase the length of lovemaking and are meant to bring you and your partner closer together. Some of the exercises include breathing, contractions, sound, and visualization. Tantra is a multi-stage lovemaking that can take your sex life to a whole other level. So lets take a look at the Tantric Stages.

Creating a Sacred Space is the first stage in Tantra. Any space can be a sacred space, but it has to be somewhere that you are both going to be comfortable and relaxed. Cleaning the room, using candles, and cleansing the room of negative thoughts/energies, are essential to this stage. Thinking about your intentions for the night are important. Think about how much you love your partner, how much you care for them, and think positively about the activity to come.

The Lover’s Purifying Bath is meant to wash away the worries and thoughts surrounding you both. Having a shower or bath together is a great way to ignite the spark of passion that will be needed for the events to come. It should be a slow and sensual process, allowing you and your partner to explore each other’s bodies and enjoy spending time together.

Foreplay is a great time to talk to your lover. Let them know how much you care forsexAddiction them, how much you love them, and how much you respect them. Make sure that what you are saying is 100% true, otherwise there is no meaning behind your words. Make your lover believe what you are telling them. Foreplay is also the time to tune into your lover. Harmonize your breathing and look into each other’s eyes while you slowly explore the other’s body. Exploration can include caressing, touching, and kissing. While exploring, go slowly! Find new ways of touching and kissing your partner, instead of just going straight for the sweet spots. Ask your partner questions about what turns them on, and do your best to do things that they like.

Intercourse during Tantra can last for hours. For this to happen, lubrication is absolutely essential. Good lubrication can be achieved through a clitoral orgasm, or using some sort of personal lubricant. To make the intercourse last longer, it should be interspersed with oral play, touching and kissing.

The Passion Pump is all about remaining in sync with your partner. Women want to use vaginal contractions along with their man penetrating them in order to achieve this synchronization. Men, just lay with your penis inside of her vagina and allow her to squeeze you using her vaginal contractions.

Afterplay is different in Tantric lovemaking. During regular lovemaking, it ends with ejaculation. With Tantra, love making ends when/how you want it to. Wind down from your passionate Tantric lovemaking with caressing, talking, cuddling, or anything else that you and your partner enjoy.

Tantra is a great alternative to traditional sex. It can reignite the spark between you and your partner, something that is wished for by many partners. Taking the time to get to know your partner in an intimate way, can bring you closer together than you might have imagined.

Sexual Addiction

 shutterstock_127216079Addiction comes in many forms, which is why it should be no surprise that sex can also become an addiction. Sexual addiction is much more than just having sex several times frequently. It is a combination of behaviours and thoughts that interfere with normal daily functioning. Sexual addiction is still not a widely accepted concept, and was even left out of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V).

However, sexual addiction is a very real problem. You feel out of control of your sexual behaviours and thoughts, often leading to frequent conquests and sexual habits that interfere with your everyday routine. You will act impulsively, and ineffectively try to reduce, control, or stop these behaviours. You will feel the need to continually sate your sexual desires, and continue to engage in sexual activity until you are satisfied.

As with other addictions, there is a lot of shame and guilt surrounding sexual addiction. It is important to keep in mind that despite your past actions, you still deserve love and to be treated with respect. And the sooner you seek help, the sooner you can begin to live a life that you love. There are several different approaches to treatment that can be effective depending on your situation.shutterstock_86165410

Sexual addiction does not have to control your life. You can take charge of your life, one small step at a time. By seeking professional help and peer support, recovery is possible. Recovery is a lifelong process, but anything is possible if you are determined and willing to put in the work. Transform your thoughts, motivate your body, and awaken your potential.

Pornography: Addiction and Communication

shutterstock_71881093  Pornography is something that many people avoid conversation about. The truth is, many of us have watched/saw porn at some point in our lives, and it is nothing to be ashamed of. It is perfectly normal in this day in age, with pornography being just a mouse-click away. Pornography is being used for a way to find our sexual selves, explore fetishes and situations which we may not experience in our own lives. Pornography is also being used as a way to enhance our sexual pleasure.

Pornography is very much a double-edge sword. On one hand, it is a great way to spice up your sex life, enhance your solo sessions, and allow you to explore your sexuality in a way which might not otherwise be possible. On the other hand, many of the women/men give an unrealistic goal for your sexual partners, both in their technique and their physicality. In reality, there are not many women other than adult actresses that look, dress, and act like they do in pornography. For men, this can definitely be a problem.

With unrealistic expectations due to the adult film industry, men are often left unsatisfied with their sex life. There are many men who can watch pornography and still have great sex, however, there are also those who seek out more “pornography-style” sex with partners. Not many women are willing to participate in the kind of sex these men are looking for, and this is where pornography becomes the prefershutterstock_68280889ence for these men.

Pornography addiction is a real and serious problem. There are men who will sit and watch pornography for hours on end, finding satisfaction in that aspect of their sex life rather than in a partner that can reciprocate. Pornography addiction can make it difficult to become aroused by a partner in real life, leading to more sexual dysfunction which can cause the person to distance themselves even further from real-life sex.

Pornography can cause a lot of problems in a marriage if there is not an open line of communication between both parties. Let’s expand upon this using an example.

Frank and Louise have been married for 13 years. They have 2 children, 12 and 10. Frank says their sex life died pretty quickly after Louise gave birth to their second child, and admits that he watches porn frequently. He says that he is still very much attracted to Louise, but just finds that she is often “too tired” or just disinterested. Frank states that he enjoys having sex with Louise, but he would enjoy it if it happened more frequently. Louise says she misses being intimate with Frank, as they once had a very active sex life. Louise, however, has trouble initiating because she finds that Frank does not seem that interested in her. Louise knows that Frank enjoys porn, but does not know how to talk to him about it because he gets defensive and shuts down. Both are adamant about loving the other, they just long for intimacy.

Основные RGBNow this is a classic case of lack of communication. Because the lines of communication are closed between Frank and Louise, they don’t know that they both want the same thing- a healthy sex life. Frank is clearly uncomfortable speaking to Louise about watching pornography. Louise doesn’t seem to have a problem with Frank watching porn. She does however have a problem that it is done in secret. She also feels intimidated by the adult actresses because her body does not match theirs after having two children. Frank’s obsession with the porn is the easy way out for him. He doesn’t have to engage in a conversation about porn with Louise if they don’t talk at all.  If Frank and Louise could have an open and honest conversation about porn and their sex life, they may just find their spark again.

When pornography goes from watching to addiction, it can cause some serious social, spiritual, and emotional problems for the person that is addicted. We need to keep in mind that the men and women in porn do not experience real sexual intimacy like you do with your partner. This sexual intimacy is coupled with a willingness to be vulnerable and honest. Shame often keeps us from having open and honest discussions with ourselves and others, but watching porn is nothing to be ashamed of. It is perfectly normal to engage in a behaviour that fills a primal need. Pornography is like most things in life- good in moderation, but potentially dangerous when abused.

Sexuality: Exploring and Understanding Sexual Orientation

Sexuality is such a broad term that many have a hard time understanding exactly what it means and encompasses. There are many new terms that are being used to describe differences in sexuality, many of which can be confusing unless you identify with them. I hope that this blog will take out some of the grey areas in understanding sexuality.

Sexuality is your ability to have an erotic experience or response. This can be tied to your sexual orientation.

shutterstock_68280889Sexual orientation refers to your inclination to feel romantic or sexual attraction (or a combination of the two) towards persons of the opposite sex/gender identity, or persons of the same sex/gender identity, or to both sexes/more than one gender identity. Sexual orientation is a narrow term that is used to identify a vast amount of inclinations. The typical categories under sexual orientation are often heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual.

Heterosexuality describes the inclination to be attracted to persons of the opposite sex/gender identity. Slang terms often used for this orientation are hetero or straight.

Homosexuality describes the inclination to be attracted to persons of the same sex/gender identity. A slang term often used to identify this orientation is gay.

Bisexuality describes the inclination to be attracted to persons of both sexes/gendershutterstock_117274108 identities. There are many misconceptions that come along with those who identify as bisexual. They are often not accepted by homosexual and heterosexual individuals alike because they are seen as not having “chosen a side”, that is to say to pick being homosexuality or heterosexuality. The misconception that they “choose” to be bisexual is the same as anyone else saying that you choose your sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is not something that we choose, it is something that is born to us, which is something that is often stated in response to those who oppose homosexuality and can be equally applied to bisexuality.

Asexuality describes a lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or a low/absent interest in sexual activity. Asexuality differs from abstinence or celibacy in that asexuality is not driven by personal or religious beliefs/values. Asexuality is not a choice, but an inclination just like other orientations.

shutterstock_66080008There are other orientations which have become more in the public eye due to more research and a rising awareness of prevalence of these orientations.

Polysexuality describes the inclination to be attracted to persons of some sexes/gender identities, but not all. This is not to be confused with pansexuality or polyamory (the desire to have intimately involved with more than one person at the same time).

   describes the inclination to be attracted to persons of all sexes/gender identities. A slang term often used to identify this orientation is gender-blind. Pansexuals are open to relationships with anyone, including those who do not necessarily identify as a specific gender or biological sex.

Sexuality is a topic that many people feel uncomfortable discussing. With open and honest conversations, sexuality can be better understood. Sexuality greatly affects a person’s confidence level and body image, as does their sexual orientation and how they are perceived by others because of their sexual orientation. Those who have yet to “come out” as something other than heterosexual often experience great anxiety and fear at revealing their true self to the world that surrounds them because of the great deal of negativity that may have been experienced by those before them. It is important to remember that sexual orientation does not define who a person is or what they are capable of. Sexual orientation is merely a part of the whole, not the sole defining characteristic of a person, and should not have bearing on how a person is treated.

This of course is in an idealistic world. However, there is much discrimination and hatred to those who are not heterosexual. Much of this stems from misunderstanding and fear. That is why education geared towards fair treatment and understanding is so important. You cannot choose who you are, but you can choose how you react to those who surround you. Be the friend, the family member, the support, to all of those who need it.

Self Image

What does it mean to love yourself and approve of yourself unconditionally? Self image is something that is important to most of us. Presenting our ideal selves to the world is not always possible. But learning to love yourself the way that you are, and striving towards being the best you that you can be, makes what we want to see and what we do see one in the same.

So how can we learn to love ourselves? There are different ways that we can work on self image. Different strategies work for different people. The end game is always the same. We want to learn to accept the things that we can change and come to terms with the fact that there are just some things that we cannot change. Loving yourself is an important part of self image building. If we can accept our strengths and weaknesses with humility and understanding, we can love ourselves. Feeling satisfied and fulfilled with who we are and how we look can greatly boost our love for ourselves.shutterstock_100264808

Approving of ourselves unconditionally means that we know we are good, and look good, and feel good. It means we know we are making positive and right choices for ourselves, content that the only approval we are considering is the approval of ourselves. Having faith in your own choices and direction boost confidence, that in turn, boosts self-approval. With all of this positive self talk and confidence, self image will follow right along.

shutterstock_103902026

Loving ourselves and approving of ourselves go hand in hand. These concepts are not only applicable to our outer selves but our inner selves as well. Being happy and feeling fulfilled within our chosen path can make us feel more comfortable and confident with our inner selves. knowing that we are loved and accepted by our peers plays an important role in our perceived self image and can boost your positive regard for yourself.

So why is a positive self image important? A negative self image can lead to a negative mood overall. This can lead to depression, self-injurious behaviours, and other significant and troubling diagnosis.These illnesses can cause long term and persistent symptoms that may interfere with everyday functioning. It is important to nip that negative self image in the bud. Work on loving yourself and the rest will come, with a bit of hard work and dedication.  shutterstock_111393362

Sexual Energy

10621_271988740550_3094047_nOur sex energy is our life force; it is a creative energy with which we give birth to new life. This new life can take the form of many; be it children, an idea or new projects.

Every individual encompasses an innate system as personal as it is unique to him or herself. We all enter the world with predisposed gifts and talents, and our goal in life is to channel these gifts and talents with the aid of our mind and our physical body.

Having said this, the intensity of our sexual vitality is unparalleled by any standard of feelings known to us. This is illustrative of exactly why sex; both as a topic and act itself, is so popular amongst a variety of mediums such as interpersonal relationships, religion and literature.

However, let not sexual intercourse and lovemaking be your only modes of channeling this wonderful sexual energy, as in doing so you risk the potential of losing out on everything else that this energy can bring to your soul.

In reality, excessive lovemaking is generally indicative of a one-sided conduct wherein which an individual fails to create awareness for this energy, and subsequently prove unable to harness this energy into their imaginative appearance, personal power and well-being.

Our sexual energy must flow through our body in its entirety. When it is merely being focused on our reproductive organs, one will be met with frustration and dissatisfaction.

Meditation Mild Exercise

During sexual intercourse, direct your awareness to your back, proceed to follow up by relocating your awareness towards your head, and then back down to your frontal genital regions. Shift your awareness upwards once again towards the waist; be aware of the energy that follows, and into your loving partner’s body. The energy will proceed to move down the front in between his or her legs, and then back into your body.

Alongside continuous awareness, you should also pay attention to your breathing; the inhalation and the exhalation of your breath, in prolonging the sexual act.

This may take a little bit of training, but it is a method of circling the positive and negative energies of the couple involved in the sex act.
The sexual energies of both partners are to mix and mingle during the act of sexual intercourse. This form of communication is accomplished via sexual postures.

The very best foreplay may be the kind that is rewarding in and of itself; with what is to follow being completely unobtrusive, existing entirely independent as an act of its own. With practice, this awareness will most certainly bring an individual and his or her partner into a realm of ecstasy.

When you regularly reveal this type of satisfaction, it makes every part of the relationship that much greater. It makes a lifestyle of love, thereby gratifying the relationship in anticipation of what is to be more beautiful experiences to come.

Freeing your sexual energy is that simple. Sure it takes a little bit of effort and practice, but it is oh so worthwhile.

388915_327946960551229_283137925_n

Passion

Passion stirs up many things within a person. It creates fever; for it can render an individual more unconscious than their original state. In doing so, the individual is pulled more deeply into mud; more ingrained and less able to escape. With passion comes hate, illusion and desire for that which you are distracted by due to one’s simple nature. Both your nature and innocence both become diseased, and you begin to shed natural behaviour.

Watch out for the particular accumulation through passion. Be warm and be caring; for the two are totally different phenomena, yet do not be led astray by lust.

Should sex dominate and you begin to lust – shut your eyes, take a seat quietly and simply meditate on this energy that is surrounding you. Watch and be aware of the lust present. Within a few minutes, the passing of this lust will astonish you. Equate the havoc of lust to that of a storm; this excellent storm will pass, and with it you are left with a particular silence that is beyond marvelous.

No form or amount of sex can present to you this elegance of a storm passed. It is through awareness that the lust passes and goes away, and it is through this awareness that the silence after is able to come at you in all its purity and energy.

With the passing of the storm and the onset of calmness and stability, you become better able to take pleasure in the experiences associated with intercourse in a more conscious, more passionate and more intense manner.

Relationships

Marriage is set in place to prevent the onset of anxiety resulting from change. It is to render the partnership permanent. Yet, love is definitely a trend that passes away the moment you make it solid. As soon as it becomes static, it is no longer present. Truth is told furthermore in that respect. images

Love is like a spring air breeze; when it comes it provides great fragrance, elegance – however it goes. Regrettably, it gives you the sensation that it is going to stay permanently.
This feeling is so strong that you simply cannot judge it. Under this extreme and doubtless situation, promises are offered from each partner.
You cannot capture this feeling in your fist. You can experience its greatness when your hands are open. However, the moment the fist is shut, there is no longer an air breeze.
It is believed that absence is what makes the heart grow happier.
To a large extent, it can be considered factual that absence helps to make the heart grow fonder. However, there is a slim line between which absence and distance is divided. To this end, distance can prove disastrous for any partnership.
At the start of a new relationship, both partners may like to spend each and every waking moment together.
Both parties would want to understand almost anything concerning the other person.  They may send messages or contact each other continuously for example.
When your romantic connection begins to move out of the preoccupation period and into the phase of deep affection, you begin to realize just how much individuality has ceased within your personal life.
Once you begin feeling this instinctively, you end up pulling out from your romantic connection in order to spend a little bit of me-time.
To have a productive relationship, you have to remember that the partnership is but a part of your lifetime. You have to grow as a person and similarly permit your lover to do so as well.
There are two main requirements within a romantic connection; that being mental closeness and sexual closeness. Should imbalances arise, the romantic connection will start to fail on a fragile level.

Psychological Closeness


“In-to-me-see. Intimacy is seeing into each other’s life. It’s knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s being aware of each others fears, hopes, and dreams.”

Do you talk with your companion? Do you tell your partner how you feel? As well as talk about your dreams and aspirations regularly?
In the event that there is no mental closeness in the partnership, it results in various insecurities as well as jealously, which could additionally lead to obsessive conduct or quarrels.

Sexual Closeness

Even when you both tend to be away from one another, do attempt to satisfy the other person as frequently as you can.  This could be as simple as sending your partner little texts or love notes in letting them know that you are thinking of them.  It is usually the smaller things that count on a grander scale.
Investing in a short get away together will keep your relationship hot and steamy.
Both partners can be prone to being unfaithful if they are away from each other for an extended period of time. If you wish to improve the partnership, study your partner’s love languages. (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapmen) This is a great book to understanding your partner’s love language.
If you and your partner are divided simply by distance as a result of responsibilities, do take the time to communicate with one another.
At times, a robust emotional connection holds the relationship collectively as well as to ensure that it stays powerful. Real love happens spontaneously.
In the event you cannot connect with your spouse emotionally due to his or her absence, he or she might be prone to find someone else to connect with.
Whenever you and your partner are apart emotionally, an interest in another individual may arise because you are not getting your needs met with your partner.
If the emotional and/or sexual needs are not satiated within the relationship, the partners may turn to isolation. This paves way to either an extramarital relationship or alternatively to a brick wall/dead end.
Indeed, you can hold yourself back from being unfaithful, but can an individual stop the idea once it has surfaced? If you are able to think such thoughts, will the thought ever lead you to action?
Your brain really desires to do it, but society near you tells you that you simply should not get it done.
To possess a profitable relationship, you have to learn how to provide room for one another to grow.
Yet at the same time, remember to keep mental connection and lovemaking closeness alive, and steer clear of the potential detriments that can end a great romantic connection from the inside.