Conquering Fears in Relationships

shutterstock_105933593  Fear. It can take over your thoughts, and in turn you can build up so many walls and blocks that you end up feeling alone and misunderstood. So many of us long for a meaningful relationship to another person, but it is fear that gets in the way. Fear of rejection, fear of judgement, fear of abandonment and fear of trust are just a few of the many fears that we must overcome in order to gain a meaningful relationship.

Fear of rejection is all about self-confidence and self esteem. It stops us from chasing after our dreams because we do not want to be turned down or fall. Every no we receive brings us closer to the door with the possibility of a yes, that is why it is so important to work through your fear of rejection and learn to cope rather than avoid.

shutterstock_123809797Fear of judgement stems from not having fully accepted ourselves. We are our own harshest critics. Full self-love and acceptance can change that, although we can never be 100% of anything 100% of the time. It does not mean that everyone thinks the way you do about yourself. People’s judgements on others have very little to do with the person being judged. It has much more to do with the person doing the judging. Their own insecurities come out against others. People will judge no matter what situation you are in, but it should matter not what they think, but what you think about yourself.

A fear of abandonment is within all of us, but the severity is based solely on our personal experiences in the past. With some it is much closer to the surface. A fear of abandonment can manifest in several different ways, the most apparent of which is the need to be clingy and demanding. Another way people cope with the fear of abandonment is rejecting their partner before they themselves are rejected, running away from relationships before they have reached their full potential. And finally, there are those who will change their whole entire person to become the “perfect” partner for the person that they are interested in. These coping skills are poor and maladaptive, which can cause train-wreck relationships to become normal. This is where being able to develop trust in your partner is so important.shutterstock_107413730

The fear of trust is a big deal in relationships, romantic or otherwise. It is a pretty common occurrence. We have all been hurt by someone we trusted, someone who decided that what they wanted was more important than our trust. But we have to keep in mind that we cannot punish everyone else for that person’s mistakes, especially when seeking out new relationships. It is perfectly normal to have a period of trust building and cautiousness in the beginning of a relationship. However, at some point we have to decide whether or not we can trust the other person. Trust is the foundation of every good relationship, and without it, you don’t really have a relationship at all.

But how do we overcome these fears? Well, it is a daily struggle. It takes a lot of reflection and deep inner work to break through these defenses. We have not only the outside opinions to combat with, but the internal ones as well. Our brain is pretty good at talking us out of things, but sometimes we just have to ignore it and take a leap of faith. Relationships, especially romantic ones, carry a lot of risk which is reasonable to be unsure of. But if we are unwilling to accept that risk, we may just lose out on having someone wonderful in our lives.

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Sexual Addiction

 shutterstock_127216079Addiction comes in many forms, which is why it should be no surprise that sex can also become an addiction. Sexual addiction is much more than just having sex several times frequently. It is a combination of behaviours and thoughts that interfere with normal daily functioning. Sexual addiction is still not a widely accepted concept, and was even left out of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V).

However, sexual addiction is a very real problem. You feel out of control of your sexual behaviours and thoughts, often leading to frequent conquests and sexual habits that interfere with your everyday routine. You will act impulsively, and ineffectively try to reduce, control, or stop these behaviours. You will feel the need to continually sate your sexual desires, and continue to engage in sexual activity until you are satisfied.

As with other addictions, there is a lot of shame and guilt surrounding sexual addiction. It is important to keep in mind that despite your past actions, you still deserve love and to be treated with respect. And the sooner you seek help, the sooner you can begin to live a life that you love. There are several different approaches to treatment that can be effective depending on your situation.shutterstock_86165410

Sexual addiction does not have to control your life. You can take charge of your life, one small step at a time. By seeking professional help and peer support, recovery is possible. Recovery is a lifelong process, but anything is possible if you are determined and willing to put in the work. Transform your thoughts, motivate your body, and awaken your potential.

International Women’s Day

WomenHoldingWorldWe are mothers, daughters, sisters, grandmothers, homemakers, lawyers, and doctors. We wait tables, change diapers, kiss boo-boos, and run households. In a day and age where gender roles are not nearly as clear cut as they used to be, it can be hard for the younger generations to remember how hard women throughout history had to fight to get the same basic rights as men. And in many parts of the world, women are still discriminated against.

International Women’s Day (IWD) serves as not only a reminder, but a celebration of the contributions of women throughout history. It is a day that connects women not only locally but internationally, through events held across the world in celebration. It is a day of activism, artistic expression, and most importantly, appreciation for women around the world.

The history of IWD starts in 1908 in New York. It was a time when women started to band together and protest, demanding better hours, fair pay, and voting rights. The early 1900’s saw the beginning of what most labeled as “radical ideologies”. Women fought and won the right to vote, although in many workplaces today there are still many barriers for women as far as pay and promotions are concerned. The first ever National Women’s Day was observed across the US on February 28th, 1909. The celebration of NWD continued on the 28th of every February until 1913, when it was changed to International Women’s Day. Women rallied in Russia on the eve of World War I and observed their first IWD. It was then changed to March 8th and has been observed in many European countries since that day.

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From 1908 until now, women have made great strides in obtaining equality and fair treatment in countries all across the world. IWD has become a holiday in many places around the world, mirroring the status of Mother’s Day. It is an important celebration and day of appreciation for all of the important women in our lives. It is also a day of inspiration and solidarity between women, showing that we are powerful not only as one but as a collective. We have made great strides since the early days of the feminist movements, and we continually strive for true equality for all.

So how can you celebrate International Women’s Day? Below is a listing of local events.
Toronto
Missisauga
Barrie
Markham
More Events In Toronto

To get information on events going on in other parts of Canada and the world please visit http://www.internationalwomensday.com/events.asp .

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““A woman is the full circle. Within her is the power to create, nurture and transform.”
~Diane Mariechild

Sexual Energy

10621_271988740550_3094047_nOur sex energy is our life force; it is a creative energy with which we give birth to new life. This new life can take the form of many; be it children, an idea or new projects.

Every individual encompasses an innate system as personal as it is unique to him or herself. We all enter the world with predisposed gifts and talents, and our goal in life is to channel these gifts and talents with the aid of our mind and our physical body.

Having said this, the intensity of our sexual vitality is unparalleled by any standard of feelings known to us. This is illustrative of exactly why sex; both as a topic and act itself, is so popular amongst a variety of mediums such as interpersonal relationships, religion and literature.

However, let not sexual intercourse and lovemaking be your only modes of channeling this wonderful sexual energy, as in doing so you risk the potential of losing out on everything else that this energy can bring to your soul.

In reality, excessive lovemaking is generally indicative of a one-sided conduct wherein which an individual fails to create awareness for this energy, and subsequently prove unable to harness this energy into their imaginative appearance, personal power and well-being.

Our sexual energy must flow through our body in its entirety. When it is merely being focused on our reproductive organs, one will be met with frustration and dissatisfaction.

Meditation Mild Exercise

During sexual intercourse, direct your awareness to your back, proceed to follow up by relocating your awareness towards your head, and then back down to your frontal genital regions. Shift your awareness upwards once again towards the waist; be aware of the energy that follows, and into your loving partner’s body. The energy will proceed to move down the front in between his or her legs, and then back into your body.

Alongside continuous awareness, you should also pay attention to your breathing; the inhalation and the exhalation of your breath, in prolonging the sexual act.

This may take a little bit of training, but it is a method of circling the positive and negative energies of the couple involved in the sex act.
The sexual energies of both partners are to mix and mingle during the act of sexual intercourse. This form of communication is accomplished via sexual postures.

The very best foreplay may be the kind that is rewarding in and of itself; with what is to follow being completely unobtrusive, existing entirely independent as an act of its own. With practice, this awareness will most certainly bring an individual and his or her partner into a realm of ecstasy.

When you regularly reveal this type of satisfaction, it makes every part of the relationship that much greater. It makes a lifestyle of love, thereby gratifying the relationship in anticipation of what is to be more beautiful experiences to come.

Freeing your sexual energy is that simple. Sure it takes a little bit of effort and practice, but it is oh so worthwhile.

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Passion

Passion stirs up many things within a person. It creates fever; for it can render an individual more unconscious than their original state. In doing so, the individual is pulled more deeply into mud; more ingrained and less able to escape. With passion comes hate, illusion and desire for that which you are distracted by due to one’s simple nature. Both your nature and innocence both become diseased, and you begin to shed natural behaviour.

Watch out for the particular accumulation through passion. Be warm and be caring; for the two are totally different phenomena, yet do not be led astray by lust.

Should sex dominate and you begin to lust – shut your eyes, take a seat quietly and simply meditate on this energy that is surrounding you. Watch and be aware of the lust present. Within a few minutes, the passing of this lust will astonish you. Equate the havoc of lust to that of a storm; this excellent storm will pass, and with it you are left with a particular silence that is beyond marvelous.

No form or amount of sex can present to you this elegance of a storm passed. It is through awareness that the lust passes and goes away, and it is through this awareness that the silence after is able to come at you in all its purity and energy.

With the passing of the storm and the onset of calmness and stability, you become better able to take pleasure in the experiences associated with intercourse in a more conscious, more passionate and more intense manner.

Relationships

Marriage is set in place to prevent the onset of anxiety resulting from change. It is to render the partnership permanent. Yet, love is definitely a trend that passes away the moment you make it solid. As soon as it becomes static, it is no longer present. Truth is told furthermore in that respect. images

Love is like a spring air breeze; when it comes it provides great fragrance, elegance – however it goes. Regrettably, it gives you the sensation that it is going to stay permanently.
This feeling is so strong that you simply cannot judge it. Under this extreme and doubtless situation, promises are offered from each partner.
You cannot capture this feeling in your fist. You can experience its greatness when your hands are open. However, the moment the fist is shut, there is no longer an air breeze.
It is believed that absence is what makes the heart grow happier.
To a large extent, it can be considered factual that absence helps to make the heart grow fonder. However, there is a slim line between which absence and distance is divided. To this end, distance can prove disastrous for any partnership.
At the start of a new relationship, both partners may like to spend each and every waking moment together.
Both parties would want to understand almost anything concerning the other person.  They may send messages or contact each other continuously for example.
When your romantic connection begins to move out of the preoccupation period and into the phase of deep affection, you begin to realize just how much individuality has ceased within your personal life.
Once you begin feeling this instinctively, you end up pulling out from your romantic connection in order to spend a little bit of me-time.
To have a productive relationship, you have to remember that the partnership is but a part of your lifetime. You have to grow as a person and similarly permit your lover to do so as well.
There are two main requirements within a romantic connection; that being mental closeness and sexual closeness. Should imbalances arise, the romantic connection will start to fail on a fragile level.

Psychological Closeness


“In-to-me-see. Intimacy is seeing into each other’s life. It’s knowing each other’s strengths and weaknesses. It’s being aware of each others fears, hopes, and dreams.”

Do you talk with your companion? Do you tell your partner how you feel? As well as talk about your dreams and aspirations regularly?
In the event that there is no mental closeness in the partnership, it results in various insecurities as well as jealously, which could additionally lead to obsessive conduct or quarrels.

Sexual Closeness

Even when you both tend to be away from one another, do attempt to satisfy the other person as frequently as you can.  This could be as simple as sending your partner little texts or love notes in letting them know that you are thinking of them.  It is usually the smaller things that count on a grander scale.
Investing in a short get away together will keep your relationship hot and steamy.
Both partners can be prone to being unfaithful if they are away from each other for an extended period of time. If you wish to improve the partnership, study your partner’s love languages. (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapmen) This is a great book to understanding your partner’s love language.
If you and your partner are divided simply by distance as a result of responsibilities, do take the time to communicate with one another.
At times, a robust emotional connection holds the relationship collectively as well as to ensure that it stays powerful. Real love happens spontaneously.
In the event you cannot connect with your spouse emotionally due to his or her absence, he or she might be prone to find someone else to connect with.
Whenever you and your partner are apart emotionally, an interest in another individual may arise because you are not getting your needs met with your partner.
If the emotional and/or sexual needs are not satiated within the relationship, the partners may turn to isolation. This paves way to either an extramarital relationship or alternatively to a brick wall/dead end.
Indeed, you can hold yourself back from being unfaithful, but can an individual stop the idea once it has surfaced? If you are able to think such thoughts, will the thought ever lead you to action?
Your brain really desires to do it, but society near you tells you that you simply should not get it done.
To possess a profitable relationship, you have to learn how to provide room for one another to grow.
Yet at the same time, remember to keep mental connection and lovemaking closeness alive, and steer clear of the potential detriments that can end a great romantic connection from the inside.