The Real Difference Between Love And Lust

The Real Difference between Love and Lust

Are you uncertain on matters of love and lust? You are not alone in this. Many sensible people like you, are also caught-up in the confusion. Here are some shocking details on the same….

Sexual attraction is known to often obliterate general human intuition and common sense even in the seemingly sensible and principled individuals. Lust is hell-bent on procreation. It is fueled by the primal desire to have sex. At least we can blame this on our brains for now.

Studies backed by MRI scans indicate that during lust-phase, the human brain is quite like that on drugs. The same area of the brain lights-up with a fix of cocaine as when one is in lust. Love on the other hand is the right opposite of lust. Even with all that in mind, clear-cut distinction between love and lust remains elusive to many. Partly because the two overlap at some instances.

In this article however, nothing is left to chance. We have shed light on this seemingly complicated topic.

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So, how exactly do you distinguish love from lust?

Lust and love can be very confusing to the unsuspecting eye. To begin with, lust is thought to be driven solely by physical attraction alongside fantasy. Love, in most instances, is also founded on these pillars. In essence, some love relationships are founded on lust. This however, does not mean that love and lust are one and the same. In fact, it implies the opposite. Let’s evaluate the two on a series of aspects.

  • Ownership and control

Love lacks in ownership and control. It however has plenty desire to see one grow to their full potential. This comes naturally with no worries about losing the one you love. It exudes desire to provide support and encouragement whenever appropriate.

Lust on the other hand is an insatiable obsession. It is more of redefining your partner’s life according to your own standards. Lust provides limited or no room for progress for either partner. One gets drenched so much with obsession to an extent it give way to deathly jealousy.

 

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  • Sex and conversations

If you’ve ever been in genuine love then you certainly appreciate the value of conversation. Meaningful conversation is the very fabric of lasting relationships. It often comes with a burning desire to share what’s on one’s mind time and again; in a constructive manner.

Lust is often skewed towards sex and many other aspects that lets one escape reality, call it debauchery. Once in lust, you desire less of constructive conversations and more of fantasy. Partners caught up in lust for one another are often engrossed in selfish desire for sex and unrealistic fun, as they call it.

  • Conditionality aspect

Genuine love should be unconditional. It is a natural feeling of desire to be with someone no matter their condition or circumstance.

Lust on the other hand is purely conditional; a feeling of steeped gratification of the flesh. With lust, cheating on a partner is nothing but a way to quench an urgent need while he or she is away!

Now everything is put to perspective. The thin line between love and lust is no longer an illusion as otherwise thought. One vital rule of thumb on these matters of the heart is to try and retain one’s presence of mind whenever feelings of attraction crop-up. This helps one steer clear of lust temptations.

The Codependent Relationship: Spouses

shutterstock_84732829 As I discussed in a previous blog, codependency is when both parties are dependent on one another in order for the relationship to function. Codependency can occur in any and all relationships, and it affects all relationships.

The codependency that occurs between spouses is unique because of the dynamic of the relationship. Because of the romantic aspect of this relationship, often times the spouse is controlled through affection and attention. This means that the addicted spouse will try and control the other using affection, sex, and giving them attention.

Codependency is dangerous in any loving relationship, but especially between spouses as physical/mental/emotional abuse is often involved. Abuse is used to control by shutterstock_121262254striking fear into the other person, causing them to behave in a way that will please the other to avoid the abusive behaviour.

Spouses engaging in codependent behaviour often times try to “cover” for the addicted spouse. They will lie to friends and family about their spouse’s behaviours. If the spouse holds a job, they will sometimes go as far as to call in sick for their spouse when they are too hung over or sick from withdrawal to go to work. People in this position will do anything and everything to make sure that their relationship will stay together.

In these relationships, no matter what lengths the addicted goes to (lying, stealing, cheating, abuse, etc.), their codependent will continue to allow them to be a part of the relationship and treat them in a way that is toxic. This can go on for many years, however, it is possible to recover from codependency. Toxic codependent relationships can be combated in several different ways, and listed below are just a few.

  • Remove yourself from the relationship

  • Seek counselling

  • Attend family/couples therapy during the addicted’s treatment

  • Make a safety plan if abuse is involved

  • Know what the signs are of codependent behaviour and recognize when it is affecting your life

Codependency is not something that will never stop. There is hope for recovery, but like recovering from an addiction, it takes a lot of hard work and it is a lifelong commitment. Take control, transform your behaviours, and learn to live a life you love.